Well, this week was a change that I was not ready for. Our baby is no longer a baby. He no longer has baby curls. He no longer looks like the "Nathan" we know. He got his first haircut because supposedly it was "just too long".
I was not ready to see our boy with "no hair". I never 'planned' to cut it that short. I LOVE his hair and his curls. I always wanted to him to have that long beautiful, black curly head of hair until he was old enough to say "Mom, I want a hair cut that does not make me look like a girl!"
Now, I know you are all thinking, "this is just a hair cut Stephanie!". But most of you were the one's who got to make the decision and choice of when/how your child's hair was cut for the first time. This situation is just now familiar to many....
This is just a reminder of all the things we are missing, how big he is getting, and that he is not really a "baby" anymore. We have watched him grow since he was 2.5 weeks old and now his is drawing near to 2 years old.....
We also found out that he is now down to just a night time bottle and drinks his milk out of a sippy cup the rest of the day. I have prepared myself for this, but once again, a reminder.... someone else is loved, cared for and bonded with Nathan for 20 months+.
Nathan does not know us. He has no idea what kind of prayers that are going up on his behalf to bring him home to us. He has no idea that we are fightly with all we have to bring him home to us. He has no idea that we thought he would be home with us when he was about 8 months old. He is just an innocent child who is an orphan, and has no idea. I am thankful.... I am so thankful he knows no difference and that he is loved and cared for by wonderful women.
We do not have a new date. I do not even know if/when we will. Things are changing daily in Guatemala with these cases in this situation. I am back at the point when people ask, What is the latest? I have no answer..... I honestly do not know. It truely changes daily/weekly.
We continue to trust and hope in Him. Without faith during this process, where would we be??? WOW, I do not even want to think about the lonely, lost feeling. God is so good.
Before.....
After......
6 comments:
Steph,
As I read your post, I am again reminded of the fact that I do not know what you go through every single day. Every time I hear someone complain that they have been on the waiting list for 3-4 months, I find myself wanting to scream at them and tell them that they are so blessed to be getting their baby after 3-4 months, and most of the time, I start telling your story and the first question they ask is, "Why don't they just adopt from here?" My answer is always the same, "The baby God chose for them is not here, but in Guatamala." I know that I check your blog at least every other day, waiting "impatiently, most of the time" for an update on sweet Nathan. I can not imagine how often you check for an update. And, just so that you know, most of the local people (some we went to school with, and some who have heard from others) know you and know how long you have waiting on Nathan, and constantly tell me that they are praying for you. In my house, Macie (one of the twins) is always asking me if she can see Nathan's mommy's page and to see if she can pray for him to come home. The mind of a 4 year old is so young, but yet seems to understand complicated things, sometimes. What Macie does know is that she is praying for a baby boy that is waiting to come home with his "forever" mommy and daddy.
We will continue to pray with you and for you as long as this journey takes. You are a very strong couple and I know that you are terrific parents. My family loves you very much!
Leslie Quick Bartlett
Helena Alabama
Stephanie,
I am so sorry Nathan is still not home with you. I regularly check your blog hoping that today will be the day you have good news. Please know I am still praying for you. I hope that Nathan will be home with you SOON and you will be able to let that beautiful, curly hair grow and grow until YOU decide it's time to cut it! :)
Leslie Harper
Oh Stephanie, I KNOW you loved Nathan's hair! I will continue to pray for you, Casey, & Nathan everyday. When he gets home you can let his hair grow as long as YOU want!
I know this is another crushing blow in this difficult journey. Too much heartache, waiting and no answers. I am so grateful that you have a personal relationship with Jesus, who shares your burdens and carries you when you aren't able to walk. Some day Nathan will look back and know how much he was loved and thought of and supported, to bring him home. NO MORE HAIRCUTS (although he is adorable either way!)
OK, I'm in tears over the haircut. I'm so sorry. I know that was a crushing blow for you. I hope you are resting in the fact that God's plan for Nathan is perfect. It is so difficult to see how this ridiculous process could be perfect but it is. That little boy has so many people praying for him . . . he is loved so much by all of us but most of all by you - his Mom and Dad.
Oh Stephanie! I am in tears for you. I know that pain when I saw that they cut Kendall's hair. It was so silly to some people that I was so upset over it, but it is such a BIG DEAL! In the long run it is not, but it does hurt. I will always know that I don't have a curl from her first hair cut. It is such a tiny thing, but a reminder of what we have missed.
Please God, bring sweet Nathan home. This journey has been so long and hard for them. Thank You that You love Nathan more than anyone else, and even though we don't see it or understand it, you are doing what is best. It is hard God. Thank you that you know about not having your Son with you. That you understand more than anyone what it is like to be seperated from your son. Bring the peace and comfort to Stephanie and Casey that surpasses all understanding. We thank you for precious Nathan and the impact that he has already had on so many people in his short life. Thank you for the witness of your faithfulness that you have been showing through Stephanie and Casey. Continue to sustain them.
Amen
We love you guys!!
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