Well, 2 years of Nathan's life is approaching, fast. So many emotions that I feel: sad, happy, mad, peace, angry, joy, numb, etc. Never in all my dreams did I see us here at this point. Never in my wildest dreams did I see us here watching our son celebrate his second birthday in Guatemala without us. Never in my wildest dreams.......
Nathan has no idea who we are, how much we love him, how much we pray for him, how desparate we are for him to come "home" to us. All he knows is his life he has lived at Eagle's Nest with the same nannies for the first two years of his life. He is happy. That makes us happy. In the picture above, Nathan is smiling. We do not get to see this often in his update pictures. But in this picture he is by himself, with his favorite nannie, Mimi. He is happy....
It is so hard to explain to others how we are doing through out this journey. God has been so faithful to us. We have learned so much, yet still have so much to learn and so many questions not answered, and may never. But getting to this point in our lives took over 5 years, so explaining is not the easiest.
When people go through trials, suffering or times of pain in their lives, sometimes there may be an end in sight. They can see the goal line, the light at the end of the tunnel. They know that it will not last forever. This journey does not seem to have an end in sight, at least here on earth. I pray we will see one soon, but who knows how long it will be. That to me, is one of the hardest parts....
Nathan turning two has been tough. Tougher than what I thought. Many people do not understand that just because we did not "birth him" or that he is not here with us physicallly, or that we are "in the process of adopting him", then he is not really our son. But if you really understood adoption, then you would really understand us and the pain. But imagine someone taking your child from you and spending AT LEAST the first two years away from him/her. The pain would be unimaginable, wouldn't it?
I never new "I" could do this. But that is the funny thing... "I" didn't. God is so much greater and stronger than us. Only by His grace and mercies do we see a new day each morning. Our hope lies in Him. HE is our strength......
