Well, 2 years of Nathan's life is approaching, fast. So many emotions that I feel: sad, happy, mad, peace, angry, joy, numb, etc. Never in all my dreams did I see us here at this point. Never in my wildest dreams did I see us here watching our son celebrate his second birthday in Guatemala without us. Never in my wildest dreams.......
Nathan has no idea who we are, how much we love him, how much we pray for him, how desparate we are for him to come "home" to us. All he knows is his life he has lived at Eagle's Nest with the same nannies for the first two years of his life. He is happy. That makes us happy. In the picture above, Nathan is smiling. We do not get to see this often in his update pictures. But in this picture he is by himself, with his favorite nannie, Mimi. He is happy....
It is so hard to explain to others how we are doing through out this journey. God has been so faithful to us. We have learned so much, yet still have so much to learn and so many questions not answered, and may never. But getting to this point in our lives took over 5 years, so explaining is not the easiest.
When people go through trials, suffering or times of pain in their lives, sometimes there may be an end in sight. They can see the goal line, the light at the end of the tunnel. They know that it will not last forever. This journey does not seem to have an end in sight, at least here on earth. I pray we will see one soon, but who knows how long it will be. That to me, is one of the hardest parts....
Nathan turning two has been tough. Tougher than what I thought. Many people do not understand that just because we did not "birth him" or that he is not here with us physicallly, or that we are "in the process of adopting him", then he is not really our son. But if you really understood adoption, then you would really understand us and the pain. But imagine someone taking your child from you and spending AT LEAST the first two years away from him/her. The pain would be unimaginable, wouldn't it?
I never new "I" could do this. But that is the funny thing... "I" didn't. God is so much greater and stronger than us. Only by His grace and mercies do we see a new day each morning. Our hope lies in Him. HE is our strength......
8 comments:
He does have a wonderful smile. Oh how I miss that little wonder of life....... Know that we pray for all three of you every single day and we ask God keep Nathan safe and happy until he gets to come home. Know that we are here and we love all three of you so so much. Love, Poppy
In 6 short days my family and I will make our way up to Solola and spend Nathan's 2nd birthday with him - cake and all! I know it's not the same as you being there, but I do hope it makes the day easier for you. I promise to take lots of photos of Nathan and give him tons of attention.
Take care,
Merrill Preiss
Adoption is such a matter of the heart with such strong emotions. He is your son at the first word of his existence because you have prayed for him before you ever knew his name. Adoption of children is such a picture of God's adoption of us when we come to know Him as our Savior, He loves us before we were ever born.
Praying for you would seem like empty words except you know the One who we pray to. Bringing your family before the Lord, asking Him to bring Nathan home to you.
I am so grateful to see the Lord's testimony in your life. You have blessed me today. Thank you. We will continue to pray for your situation and God's work in your lives. He has been glorified! :D
Like I said in my message, my heart pours out love, empathy, and prayers for your family. I went through a lot of anger myself and would get mad at people over the things they were complaining about. I would get so frustrated at what others called "problems". My whole world felt up-side-down, but through it all I hung on to Romans 8, starting with verse 18 through the end of the chapter and I read that DAILY and hung on to the reasons why I was suffering and the love Christ had for me. I wish to goodness that your family did not have to experience this pain too, but know that Christ makes us go through these things prooves us (like Abraham called to sacrifice Isaac), and a lot of times I know I did not feel like I passed the test. Let me tell you when we are weak He is strong and I can see that YOU ARE PASSING THE TEST! Continue to Hang on! I will plead for His favor on you guys and Nathan! Your sister in Christ, Jill
I understand...
Loving you from Chelsea,
Lori McGuire
www.HomeForHIM.blogspot.com
P.S. I got an email from Ashley Weaver who is volunteering at EN over the Summer and has for the past 3 I understand. I told her to give special love to him for you and she said she was "for sure! How could you not." I don't know if you know of her, but I will forward on to you the little email that she sent me. There might be something in there that would be of interest to you??
steph i get chills and my heart aches for you every time i read your blog. only GOD know why he chose you and casey for this journey and HE will see you through. praying for you all!
I "get it". I wake up EVERY morning and thank God for the little girl sleeping in her bed by the Grace of God. We just celebrated her 3rd birthday and I cried...I cried out of gratitude that I have been blessed to witness her day to day joys and sorrows, since 6 months. I think of YOUR Nathan every day when I see Sophie's Mayan mark on her wrist and I pray that he is home with you soon. He is always yours in my mind and heart. They were ours since the second we looked at their pictures and embraced them in our hearts and souls. We were Mommy's and Daddy's the second we said yes to be that for them. Our hearts just opened up and changed and can never ever go back to the way it was. So, I get it. That's why tears roll down my face as I type this. I hurt for you. I'm praying always for you and Nathan!!!!!
grace c.
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